One day there was a fish named Fish.  He was a happy fish, not an angry fish. However, he was also a worried fish.  Why was he worried? you ask.  Maybe I should tell you.  Maybe we should all die.  Maybe I’m just writing this because I’m bored.  You could say that, and you’d be correct in saying so. Anyway, Fish was worried because a talking piece of driftwood gave him a magical purple envelope, but he didn’t know what was magical about it.

Fish pondered over his dilemma, but found no answers. He put things in the envelope, and nothing special happened.  It appeared to be a normal envelope, except for the fact that it was purple.  Purple is quite a color, don’t you think?  Did you know that the Phoenicians were famous for making purple dye out of snails?  I’m getting off track again, aren’t I?  So sorry.  Forgive me if it happens again.

“You are a very interesting purple envelope,” Fish said to the envelope.  “I just don’t know what’s so special about you, you smelly purple piece of trash!”  The envelope said nothing in response.  Of course it didn’t.  It was just an envelope.  Fish must have been out of his mind to talk to it in the first place.

Fish tried asking people why that stupid envelope was special, but everyone thought he was nuts.  Not even the Duke of Spainania knew.  When Fish got home, he found the talking piece of driftwood in his doorknob. He asked it why the envelope was magical so he’d know why.  The driftwood told Fish. It said that the envelope magically makes you obsessive about it.  Fish felt stupid from that day on.