The following are suggestions for preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although you do not have control over your partner's violence, you do have a choice about how to respond to him and how to best get yourself and your children to safety.

Safety during a violent incident. Victims cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered victims may use a variety of strategies.

A. Plan and practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes would you use?
B. Keep money, car keys and copies of important documents ready in order to leave quickly, if necessary. (See list at bottom of this page for important items to have).
C. Tell a neighbor (or 2 or 3) about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from your house.
D. Teach your children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.
E. Plan and practice a code for your children, neighbors or friends so they can call for help.
F. Decide where you would go if you have to leave your home. Try to have at least 3 places you could go. (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time).
G. Teach some of these strategies to some (or all) of your children.
H. If an argument develops suddenly, try to move to a space that is lowest risk Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door.
I. Listen to your intuition and use your best judgement. If the situation is very serious, it is sometimes best to give your partner what he wants (when possible) to calm him down. You have to protect yourself and your children until you are out of danger.

Memorize your local domestic violence program's hot line number and seek shelter by calling their hot line. Or call 911.

Try to keep change for phone calls on you at all times. If you use a telephone credit card, the following month the telephone bill will tell the batterer those numbers that were called after you left. To keep your telephone communications confidential, either use coins or get a friend to permit you to use their telephone credit card for a limited time when you first leave.

Safety in your own residence. There are many things that a victim can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.

A. Change the locks on doors and windows as soon as possible.
B. Replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.
C. Install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.
D. Purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.
E. Install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in your house or apartment.
F. Install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to the house.
G.Teach children how to use the telephone to make a collect call in the event that your partner might take the children without permission.
H.Tell people who take care of your children who does have permission to pick up your children, and that your partner is not permitted to do so. Some people to inform about pick-up permission include:
school, day care staff, babysitter, Sunday school teacher, any other teachers such as dance, music etc.,
I. Inform close neighbors (neighborhood watch group if you have one), that your partner no longer resides with you and they should call the police if he is observed near your residence.

Safety with an Order of Protection. Battered victims may obtain protection orders, but one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protection orders. You may need to ask the police and the court to enforce the protection order.

The following are some steps to take to help ensure the enforcement of the protection order:

A. Always keep protection order on or near your person.
B. Give protection order to police departments in the communities where you usually visit family or friends, as well as in the community where you live.
C. For further safety, if you often visit other counties in the state, you might file your protection order with the court in those counties.
D. Call the local domestic violence program for assistance or advice if you have problems with your protection order.
E. Inform your employer, minister, and any other persons your partner might try to use to gain access to you, that you have a protection order in effect.
F. If the protection order gets lost or destroyed, you may get another copy from the County Courthouse by going to the Court Clerk's office.
G. If your partner violates the protection order, you can call the police and report a violation, contact your attorney, call your advocate, and/or advise the court of the violation.
H. You may also file a private criminal compliant with the district justice in the jurisdiction where the violation occurred or with the district attorney. You can charge the battering partner with a violation of the Order of Protection and all the crimes that he commits in violating the order.

Safety and emotional health. The experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is always exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life takes much courage and incredible energy. To conserve emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times,

Attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program.

Build a network of supportive friends who understand your issues.

Communicate with your partner ONLY when it is necessary. Try to do so by telephone, instead of in person. If you do have to see him in person, try to have a third party with you.

Checklist of items to take when leaving. When victims leave partners, it is important to take certain items with them. Beyond this, victims sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

These items might be placed in one location, so that if you have to leave in a hurry, you can grab them quickly (or keep stored outside the home).

* Identification
* Children's birth certificate
* Your birth certificate
* Social security cards
* School and vaccination records
* Money
* Checkbook, ATM (Automatic Tellers Machine) card
* Credit cards
* Keys - house/car/office
* Driver's license and registration
* Medication
* Welfare identification, work permits, Green card
* Passport(s), Divorce papers
* Medical records - for all family members
* Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book
* Bank books, Insurance papers
* Small saleable objects
* Address book
* Pictures, jewelry
* Children's favorite toys and/or blankets
* Items of special sentimental value

BUT, if you cannot take these items with you, remember this...Your life and your safety are most important. Everything else is secondary.

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